Letters of Encouragement
My Dear,
So, you have some questions about unhappy people today? The first point in our conversation; the world is full of people who choose to be unhappy. Yes, my dear, unhappiness is a choice. The second point concerns the unhappy Christian–this is an oxymoron sweetie and all the more to be avoided–unhappy people and an unhappy state. Which brings us to the third consideration–people who choose to be unhappy do not like happy people. They will try to make you like themselves–unhappy–or cause you great suffering trying to change you into an unhappy person, or they will brutally reject you and then blame you for the demise of the relationship.
I’m going to let you in on something…do not strive for happiness. What!? You say. Let me explain. Happiness is something you will always chase and never be able to fully catch. Happiness is like a drug my dear. Some people attain happiness when they shop, so they shop more. Others feel happy when they are on Facebook so they spend more time on Facebook. For some food makes them happy so they mindlessly eat, not because they are hungry, but because they want to feel happy. You can see the flawed thinking. Happiness is a fickle feeling, changing constantly based on circumstances, surroundings, moods, what ever. I wish so much more for you my dearest.
My wish for you is a continual state of being, not a roller coaster ride of emotion. This continual state of being is joy. And do you want to know the best thing about joy? It is already within you! You do not need to search for, purchase or consume joy, you already possess it!
Nehemiah 8:10b–for this day is holy to our Lord; and do not be grieved, for the joy of the {from the} Lord is your strength.
You are a temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) and one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is joy (Galatians 5:22). Therefore, joy lives in you.
Since joy is already within you, you only need to choose joy…I know, easier said than done, but with God all things are possible and I know if you ask Him to know the supernatural joy that already resides in you, He will answer you as only a loving Father can.
On to the second point of discussion, the unhappy Christian. St Francis de Sales once remarked, “A sad saint is a sorry saint.” Sweetie, God created you for so much more! He created you to be joyful for a couple of reasons: First, God loves His creation and He loves it when His creation praises Him. No, He does not need our praise anymore than I need my toddler to say “I love you.” I know my baby loves me, just like God already knows we love, honor and praise Him. Second, God created you to be a joyful soul to advance His kingdom. Let’s put that another way…God wants heaven filled with His children. In Mark 16:15, Jesus told the disciples to preach the Gospel to all creation and Gospel means “Good News” and who ever proclaims good news with a sour heart? No one will want what you have if you are not joyful. They will run from this God that makes you such a sour puss.
Now our third point can be summed up with a couple of quips: “Like attracts like” and “Birds of a feather flock together.” An unhappy person may be initially attracted to a joyful person, because we’ve also heard “opposites attract.” But in time, they will resent your joy and mock you when you rejoice. Let’s use an example…if I fell into a deep pool and you stood on the side of the pool and reached your hand out to me to help pull me out, which one of us has the most leverage? It would be so much easier for me to pull you down in the pool than for you to pull me up out of the pool. Same principle here.
Another consideration, only the power of heavenly Father and their cooperation with His abounding grace can make an unhappy person joyful. Honey, unfortunately, I know what I am talking about here. I was recently entangled with unhappy people. Getting what they thought would make them happy, what they felt like was worth mercilessly fighting for, has not made them happy. And that makes me really sorry for them.
I’m not telling you to completely avoid an unhappy person, that would be uncharitable. But I am telling you to limit your exposure…drastically. Let’s use another example. Have you heard that if you place a live frog in a pot of boiling water it will try to jump out? But, if you place a frog in cool water and slowly heat it to boiling, it will boil to death before it even knows what is happening. Please do not allow yourself to be boiled death in unhappiness by an unhappy person. (Obviously if you are married to an unhappy person, this counsel would be a bit different. This letter is meant to address your friendships.)
Let me tell you, your life is too precious to waste unhappy. Now, being joy filled, as you already are, does not mean you will not experience sadness, anger, confusion and frustration. It does mean you have the weapon to counter those emotions. Sadness will come, there is a reason we pray in the Hail Holy Queen, “…to Thee do we send up our sighs mourning and weeping in this valley of tears…” Frustration will be a part of our life, St Augustine said, “Our hearts are restless until they rest in You O Lord.” But we have supernatural joy to overcome this world of sadness and frustration. Tapping into and putting into practice this joy is not always easy, but it is such a simple spiritual practice my dear. And so practice we must…daily…hourly.
And now you ask, but how do I access this joy? First, you ask. (James 1:5) Second, you learn all you can about this awesome gift that God gave you and intended you to share. Read the instructions.
And finally, a joyful person can very easily spot an unhappy person. Cultivate your “joy radar.” Until then, here are a couple of things to be on the look-out for to help you know if you are in a friendship or an acquaintance of an unhappy person, a person who has chosen to live out of communion with the fruit of the Holy Spirit.
–negative
–pesamistic
–gossipy
–has a history of failed friendships
–makes excuses for themselves
–assigns blame to others easily
–has some type of “addiction”
Catholic Woman’s Almanac {CWA}
Thankful
::three of my children being confirmed on Sunday
::enough cake and punch for the reception
::the smell of sweet chrism on their forehead
::the amazing job the schola/choir did singing the High Mass
::Eucharistic procession around a city block after the mass
Pondering
There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away; the battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it is with themselves.
–unknown
Negative people need drama like oxygen. Stay positive, it’ll take their breath away.
–unknown
Reading
My Bible
A Beginner’s Introduction to the Philokalia
Homing
I spent today washing white table cloths from the Confirmation reception. Thankfully we used the White Punch recipe! My refrigerator is finally working, it’s been out since Thursday. So I ran to the grocery store tonight to restock what had to be trashed. I let Bridgie pick out a flavored ice cream and cones for a treat tonight…yum.
Cooking
My three oldest girls are at a Catholic girls camp this week. I’ve lost the bulk of my kitchen help! We are keeping it simple.
Enjoying
It’s funny how the family dynamic changes when a child, or two or three are missing. I’m enjoying watching the new dynamic.
Listening
Praise Baby Collection
Wandering
Jennifer Barrick Story Part 1 & Part 2
Captured
Letters of Encouragement
The aged women, in like manner, in holy attire, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teaching well: That they may teach the young women to be wise, to love their husbands, to love their children. To be discreet, chaste, sober, having a care of the house, gentle, obedient to their husbands: that the word of God be not blasphemed.
†Titus 2:3-5 (DR)
In the same way instruct the older women to behave as women should who live a holy life. They must not be slanderers or slaves to wine. They must teach what is good, in order to train the younger women to love their husbands and children,
to be self-controlled and pure, and to be good housewives who submit themselves to their husbands, so that no one will speak evil of the message that comes from God.
†Titus 2:3-5 (GNTA)
The Lord has recently put it on my heart to write letters of encouragement. These love notes may be in answer to a question I’ve received, an encouragement to myself right now, or what I wish an older woman (meaning older than me at the time) would have spoken into my heart years ago.
Dear One,
This morning in my quiet time, I was reading from the book of Acts. That’s a topic we will be discuss over and over–morning quiet time and reading the powerful Word of God. Anyway, in the 22nd chapter of Acts, Paul is retelling his conversion story. This verse spoke to me and so now I share it with you my friend.
“…What shall I do Lord?”
†Acts 22:10
Today this verse spoke to me as I ponder my motherhood. I have been a mother now for almost 15 years and the principles and practices that were important to me with younger children, and are still a part of my daily life since God has continue to bless me with children, they just look different and I didn’t recognize them with my older children. I thought I did not know how to parent older children and teens. But the Lord is so merciful and kind dear one, just ask Him, “What shall I do Lord?”
It’s funny, on some other day, I can’t recall when or why, I made a note next to Acts 22:2. In that verse, Paul starts speaking to the people in their own language. Paul was instructing the Hebrew people in their native tongue. My note, “speak their language.”
Before I even knew there was a name for my parenting, I practiced an attached form of mothering. My children have all slept with us, I responded to their needs immediately and tried to learn their “language.” And then they grew and they told me what they needed or wanted. And I took their needs at face value. That was a mistake dear one and now I am trying to listen closely, pay careful attention to learn their cues and hopefully regain ground I have lost…or rather hearts strings I have lost.
And sometimes, dear one, a thing is exactly as it appears, but it has the capacity for so much more. For example. The other day one of my older girls asked me to blow dry their hair straight. This request was made while I was still in my pajamas, the baby was still in his and the rest of the children were in various stages of “ready for mass.” I seemingly did not have the time and she had the ability to blow dry her own hair where as the baby needed me to dress him and the younger children needed me to direct their efforts.
But let me tell you dear one, that seemingly insignificant request could not be ignored or handed off to any other. I have made that mistake too often the last couple of years. Twenty minutes spent blow drying a teen daughter’s hair is the equivalent of snuggling down in a comfy chair with a toddler to read picture books or slipping away to a quiet corner to nurse a little one…yes, it is that important. I would not deny my baby time spent in my presence for comfort and nourishment…why would I do that to my teen?
To my daughter it may have been just a blow dry and I may have been the means to a straight hair end, but to my momma heart, it was a heart connection made or reopened.
I love this quote from The Ministry of Motherhood: Following Christ’s Example in Reaching the Hearts of Our Children
“As I look to the hearts of my own children and seek to teach them about the grace of God, I realize my love and service* to them must come before any of my great words, my teaching and training. My time, my attention, my ‘soft tickling’ (hair blow drying)–even when I am tired or have other ‘important’ things on my mind–is what builds our relationship and prepares them to listen to what I have to say. Only then, once the wells of their need are filled with the grace of being loved, will my words to them about God’s grace finally make sense.”
The Ministry of Motherhood: Following Christ’s Example in Reaching the Hearts of Our Children*These “acts of service” are especially important if your child’s love language is “Acts of Service.” The 5 Love Languages of Children
This note has already gotten longer than I planned dear one. Know my heart is with you as seek the face of God in your mothering. Thankfully our Lord came down as a man to “speak our language,” remember to be watchful and continually learn the language of your child.
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Catholic Woman’s Almanac {CWA}
Happy and blessed Memorial Day ladies!
How was your holiday weekend?
It’s Monday which means time for Catholic Woman’s Alamanac. Link up here or post in the comments.
What are thanking God for today?
What are you reading, watching or listening to?
Who or what are you praying for?
What are you cooking, eating, crafting, planning?
Any other dailies you want to keep track of in a daybook?
Jot It Down!
Jot it down! That is one of my mother’s favorite lines, and my grandfather’s before her. All that I am going to say now is that it would do me well to say that often enough to myself.
Jot it down! That is what a high-pitched and urgent voice inside me says every time I read about something from the Internet that I can use to make the house a little more cheerful-looking, my prayer time richer, my children better-fed, our homeschooling recordkeeping more updated, and my sewing stash more attended to. So much computer time can actually go to waste if I don’t hold on tightly to what I had learned, and use them in my family’s daily life.
Jot it down! That is what I have to do.
So I gathered an old notebook, leftover gift wrapper, a piece of art paper, and a scrapbooking sticker that nobody seemed to want… and transformed those to something I can use to jot my cyberspace learnings on.
I divided my cyberspace learnings notebook (my fancy name for an ideas log) into several pages each for FAITH, HOUSEHOLD, CHILDREN, SCHOOL, and SEWING.
The contents of my cyberspace learnings notebook will feed into my prayer journal, our weekly menu, planning for liturgical living and outdoor activities, and a host of other aspects of living and loving.
The notebook’s major advantage over a Word or Notepad file is that I can have it with me all the time, giving me the chance to go over my notes whenever I need to. I also prefer my notebook to keeping Favorites and Bookmarks because I tend to keep too many of those and eventually get overwhelmed. What goes into my notebook are selected and processed in my head before before being jotted down. It’s a quality control tool, I guess.
Keeping the notebook beside me during my time at the computer will also remind me that if I have less and less to write on my notebook, maybe I am using my computer time the wrong way. Or I already have enough on my plate and I am just wandering aimlessly in cyberspace.
Do you have an ideas notebook?
How do you make sure that information
acquired during your cyberspace time bear fruit?
Marcia has five reasons to wake up in the morning — the man of her dreams and the four children that God gave them. She constantly wishes for a cleaner and more orderly home, but understands that this goal needs constant tweaking. One day, she will devote a lot of time to her sewing. She just hopes that she is not yet arthritic or half-blind by then! Marcia blogs at Imperfectly Living a Dream.
When Quality Trumps
Theresa Thomas | Everyday Catholic
The Mister and I just had a romantic dinner in the basement, served by two little girls. The main course was Fisher Price peas and pizza, real water from a sturdy, plastic teapot and Cheez-Its. We were entertained by music playing on daddy’s cell phone and the evening ended with a rousing rendition of The Village People’s “YMCA”. Yes of course we danced with the waitresses.
Planning doesn’t create spontaneous family moments like these; so often these special moments just ‘happen’, when availability meets creativity and openness. Even if we were to have tried to design this quality evening, likely it wouldn’t have come off like the spontaneous one did. “Mommy! Daddy! Come downstairs! We have a surprise!” interjected itself into my husband’s and my evening like an unexpected kiss. Planning is all fine and dandy but you simply can’t blueprint everything in real life.
Thank goodness.
Unprompted, sweet, relationship-building moments that occur from spending a quantity amount of time with those we love form the basis of daily family life. We often hear the phrase “quality time” tossed about, as though it were separate from quantity time, and something to be aspired to independently from abundant hours, days and weeks. In reality, however, quantity time trumps the often aimed-for quality time any day, for ironically when opportunities are plentiful quality time appears, and takes care of itself.
One of the best gifts Catholic (or any) parents can offer their children is the generous giving of their time. In forty years, it won’t matter to a child that his dad earned more than enough to purchase a huge entertainment center for the basement if by doing so it meant his father’s absence in working weekends, evenings and other spare moments. The extra vacation, boat or address in a premier neighborhood means less to a child than backyard ball tosses with Dad on a regular basis or the daily relaxed interaction with a present and loving Mom.
Many parents must work long hours to provide necessities for their families. They are to be admired. But there is a prevalent notion in modern society that certain things are necessities when in truth they are not. We must distinguish between the two. Some parents fall into the trap of thinking their children need more things than they really do: electronics gadgets, the latest and greatest toy or in-style clothing. The truth is, so long as a child’s basic needs are met, he is generally happy and will thrive. Luxuries like 4-H membership, swim team involvement, baseball or dance class can be good and enriching, for sure, helping a child develop his or her particular talents, but their importance is significantly less than simple one-on-one attention that a parent offers to his child. As we all know, true happiness and the ability to become one’s best possible self comes from nurturing, love and attention, not stuff, even good stuff.
Giving time is a challenge for sure. Beds must be made. Meals must be cooked. Clothes must be folded and clutter put away. Money must be earned to provide basic needs. But nothing is more important than scooping up the little one tugging at your sleeve, hugging her and showing her the bird perched out the window, and listening to the expressions of the little thoughts on her mind. When children arrive home from school one of the parents needs to be there, waiting, ready for that quality time that might pop up anywhere, at any moment. Nothing says love like our presence.
Yesterday, I was reading a science book about earthworms with my 8-year-old daughter. My girl begged to put on our boots and go into the garden to dig. She wanted to find worms to put in a glass jar and observe. I didn’t want to go. I was comfortable. I had a schedule. It was wet and icky outside. I am not a fan of worms. But I looked at my daughter, imagining the day she’ll leave for college. I wanted to give her another memory and another token of my love in this fast changing life of ours. I said ‘yes.’ We sloshed through the mud surrounded by misty air and the smell of the spring earth. My daughter tried to coax the worms, “Come on little guy” as she poked gently with a stick. We giggled. We sang a few songs. Quality emerged from quantity. Again.
We parents give our children many gifts. We work hard to provide safe homes for them. Good meals for them. Warm clothes and learning experiences. This is how we demonstrate unselfish love to our children. In our parental caring, however, we should remember: the gift of our time and ourselves is actually the most thoughtful and best gift of all.
was About.com’s “Best Catholic Book” of 2010. Her second book Big Hearted: Inspiring Stories from Everyday Families
is due out from Scepter Publishers in 2013. She has been heard on local and national radio programs including EWTN’s Sonrise Morning Show with Brian Patrcik and Ave Maria’s Catholic Connection with Teresa Tomeo. You can find her blogging at Theresa Thomas: Everyday Catholic.
Catholic Woman’s Almanac {CWA}
Good Morning lovely Suscipio ladies!
How was your weekend?
Let’s get the week off to a great start! How about a almanac/daybook/online journal to get things going. Link up here or post in the comments.
Tell us what you’re thankful for…a gratitude list.
What are you reading and thinking?
Who or what are you praying for?
What’s cookin’ and are you making anything…plans/crafts, etc.
Do you have a garden and if so, how does your garden grow?
Let me take this time to welcome back Catholic Child Catalog. As they would say on Hee Haw…HOWDEEE! (I know, why was I allowed to watch a goofy show with soo much cleavage showing?)
Catholic Child Catalog has been partnering with Suscipio since almost the very beginning. When you click over there, and purchase yourself “a little sumpin sumpin” as we say around our home, let them know how much you appreciate their support of Suscipio.
Look, they have personalized holy cards. These are a great sacrament reminders. They can be framed, tucked in a missal or family bible. My children like to hand them out to their friends and family. Oh!! They have a Four Way Medal! This is what we are getting our son for his Confirmation gift (be watching for my order Leane)…ssshhhh! Our daughters will each receive a Miraculous Medal necklace, they have two choices. (Look at that, I did my Confirmation shopping while posting!)
PSA #10 – Perception
Perception – per·cep·tion /pərˈsep SHən/ n. The ability to see, hear or become aware of something through the senses.
This PSA has been niggling in the back of my head since January 27, the Sunday when the mass readings were from St. Paul, 1 Corinthians 12:12-30. This is the passage about how all parts of the body are part of the whole. Now St. Paul was teaching a lesson about the body of the church, but the more I pondered, the more I was seeing the physical human body. Thank you St. Paul for the graphics on eyes, ears hands and feet. I kept coming back to perception, specifically my own perception of my body, and how it can sometimes be skewed so far from center because I’m focusing on a single part and not on the whole.
I cannot tell you how many times I have heard girlfriends say things like “my stomach is flabby” or “my butt is so huge”. “If only my nose was straight.” “I wish I had a bigger-smaller-perkier bustline.” I look at my friends and see beautiful women who are strong, smart and capable. Why don’t they see what I see? Skewed perception because they are giving their full attention to a single part of their physical selves, whereas I see them as whole.
And it’s not just physical perception, its mental perception as well. We often judge ourselves as wives and mothers, and get caught up focusing on the one small thing in a month of Tuesdays that doesn’t go the way we expect, instead of looking at our lives as a beautiful whole. I am especially good at this, and it came to light in a very ugly way over the past two months.
I got laid off from my job. My company has been struggling for several years with falling sales, revenues and work backlogs. I, as the most senior non-owner engineer in the firm (who also happens to have a working husband) was in a vulnerable position, and I’d known for a while that my time was limited. When the blow finally came, I was devastated. Honestly, I spent many weeks as a sobbing, blubbering mess. Even when the interview invitations and job offers were coming in, all I could see was bleakness, all I could think about was that I wasn’t good enough to keep. I was so focused on this one small moment of my life that I was blinded to the wonderfulness of the rest of it!
It’s taken many hours of prayer and reflection to come back to seeing how grand life is, how anchoring faith is. The most important lesson I’ve learned is that the entire tapestry of my life, woven with the fibers of my family and friends, embroidered with threads of love and framed with God’s Grace is a bazillion times more precious than any single tangled moment.
That must be how God sees us.
Keep the Faith.
Next Time: Where Mom Goes the Family Follows
P.S. – yes, I have a new job. :) The kids can stay in school and we aren’t going to starve.
Angela Pea lives in Texas and has been married to Mr. Pea for 27 years. She has two adult daughters, Cherry Ames, who is almost finished with nursing school, and Princess Pea, who resides in Aggieland and is studying to be an orthodontist. Her two teenage sons, The Architect and DirtBike, still live at home, where they mostly eat everything in sight and build bicycles from random parts. She is a practicing civil engineer, occasional college instructor, random knitter, beginner mountain biker, and a secret shoe lover. Angela blogs at Keeping the Faith.
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