Angela | Keep the Faith
A decade ago, I was fat. Not just a little bit fluffy, but officially obese. I’m short – 5’-3” if I stretch and wear boots – and I was packing around 223 pounds. I was never overweight as a kid, or as a college student, or even as young mother. Somewhere in-between the births of my two sons, though, I quit paying attention and started packing on pounds. “I’m too busy to exercise;” or “I’m too tired;” and even “It’s just not that important.” I had four small children under the age of six to care for. The years rolled by, and I had a part time consulting job that was necessary for making our budget ends meet over tuition payments. I had volunteer obligations at church, I had a Girl Scout troop to lead.
I was hiding behind my busy-ness to avoid admitting that my priorities were seriously out of whack, and that my health was sliding downhill fast. My blood pressure was sky high. I couldn’t keep up with the kids on field trips. My epiphany came with a visit to the optometrist. My eyesight had deteriorated to the point that I was sitting at the computer desk with the screen pulled right up to my nose. I just chalked it up to tiredness and aging, but I heeded my husband’s plea and went to the eye doctor. He took one look at my retinas, looked me straight in the face and said, “You have diabetes. Go see your doctor.” I did, and she confirmed the optometrist’s diagnoses, reassuring me that the damage to my eyes (and kidneys!) was not permanent and that they could heal, if I lost weight, started exercising and got my blood glucose levels under control.
I went into full blown ‘I-will-take-control-of-this’ mode. I researched weight loss methods, I re-educated myself how to eat properly, I forced myself to move. I figured out how to exercise and learned to love it. It took me a year to lose almost 60 pounds. I was determined to make myself happen. I. Me. Me. Me.
And there’s the rub. Me. My focus was on me, how I was taking care of myself, how great I was doing, how amazing I was now that I was thin again. I stupidly left God out of the process, and it all came undone in a single day. I had a stroke.
I gained 20 pounds in the aftermath thanks to the medications that kept my brain from exploding while it healed. I was furious at the weight gain, and frantic to get it off my frame. I spent hours on a treadmill and pedaling all over creation on my bicycle. And, I prayed. I prayed because I was out of my mind with fright that I might actually die before my kids reached adulthood. I prayed angry prayers of “Why Me?” ranting to heaven at the unfairness of it all. I was officially a mess.
My brain eventually healed, and amazingly, so did my soul. There was no blazing moment of realization, no flash of perfect understanding, just a gradual calming of my spirit as the months smoothed by. I no longer prayed “Why Me”; instead, I found myself praying “Show Me the Way”. And in His every loving, ever abundant Grace, He did. I began to recall memorized Bible Verses from my childhood, one in particular.
“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been purchased at a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body.”
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NABCE
There were incredibly coincidental homilies at mass about stewardship, and further nudges from the Holy Spirit: books that came my way, visited Bible studies and prayer groups where the conversations would tend towards health, a new job with access to a free gym and a trainer, seeing my children getting involved in athletics, growing stronger every season. Finally, my little brain made the connection.
Our physical bodies are truly a gift from God, and we are called to be good stewards of them.
We are fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s own image. How can we not take care of ourselves? It’s our duty, just as important as tending the needs of our husbands, our children, our parish families! Think of flying on an airplane and the little speech you get before takeoff, the one about putting on your own oxygen mask first before you help others. Exactly. We have to be good stewards of ourselves, so that we can serve others.
So, if you’ve been slacking in the stewardship department when it comes to taking care of yourself, where can you start?
First, as my Mom will say, get your head on straight! You need to identify your own reasons for losing weight, getting healthy, and gaining strength. Write your reasons in a card and tape them to your bathroom mirror, and the fridge, and the pantry door. For me, vanity just isn’t enough of a reason any more. I mean, yeah, it’s great to be a Hot Mama (Jenny’s term!) and wear cute clothes, but vanity isn’t enough encouragement for me to keep walking past the cookies in the office kitchen, or to bike an extra ten miles on a hot day. Staying alive is! Having the strength to care for my family is! Keeping the Holy Spirit’s temple standing strong and upright IS enough of a reason!!
Second – brace yourself – get ready to work. Stewardship takes a certain amount of commitment.
Third, find your patience. Just like raising children, rebuilding a temple doesn’t happen overnight. It took me a while to wrap my head around the idea that care for myself is just as important as serving my family. Losing weight, gaining strength, getting healthy will take time. Most of those twenty post-stroke pounds are gone now, but it took me two years to do it. I have fifteen more to go to get to a weight that both my Doctor and I agree will be a healthy place for me to hang out for the rest of my life. I hope to get there in 2013.
Finally, share your journey. Life is more fun with friends. Learn from their experiences, share what you know. I’ll be doing just that this year, posting Public Service Announcements with the bits and pieces of knowledge that I’ve gathered over the past several years finding my own heath again. Hopefully, it will help you, ease your frustration, and remind you to be a good steward of yourself, too!
Rebuild your Temple. Keep the Faith
Next Week – A Simple Truth
25 Comments
Trackbacks/Pingbacks
- Catholic Woman’s Almanac {CWA} - [...] About Angela’s eye opening PSA on Saturday. She really did a great job laying the care of ourselves ...
Leave a Reply
Stop By and Thank Our Sponsors
Community Button
I can always count on you to inspire me.
Great post, Angela. I’ve never been more than just a bit chubby, but at less than 5 ft tall, I really have to watch it. My issue has always been exercise. During my third pregnancy I had gestational diabetes. My two uncles have diabetes and so did my grandmother. Now my chances of getting it are quite high! Like you, I was never motivated to exercise until I thought how much my children need me to be healthy. I’ve been using a pedometer and trying to get exercise around the house. It’s always a challenge. Thanks for the inspiration to go one step further.
Connie Rossini recently posted..10 reasons Catholic should read the Bible
Oh my goodness. Were we separated at birth? I live in fear of stroke. I hope and pray this is my year to really make the changes I need to make. I’ll be 50 in October. I’d like to celebrate 70 or so pounds lighter.
Thank you for this. I’m going to read it again. I think writing it down will be essential.
Blessings,
Emily
Angela, for many reasons, your post speaks straight to my heart. Thanks heaps! I will definitely on the lookout for your PSAs. By the way, I dutifully took own notes
Marcia recently posted..Catholic Women’s Almanac, No. 7
Angela…You are indeed an inspiration. I appreciate you sharing such a personal story and journey. No wonder you call your site…Keep the Faith– that’s certainly what you’ve done and given me the inspiration to keep doing in my own challenges.
Blessings always +
Caroline recently posted..The True Weapon
Angela, How wonderful that you’re sharing all of this with us. Myself, my husband and all 7 of our kids have been exercising and eating better since Sept (well, with a month long break during December, unfortunately!) and so far I’ve lost about 13 pounds. My goal is another 10 before May when it is our 25th Wedding Anniversary. I have to remind myself often to bring God into this. Thank you for the reminder.
God Bless.
Laura recently posted..7 Quick Takes January 25 2012
Very nice blog entry, now that I am a recently become a married woman I have been cooking more at home and moving around more than I did when I was a single woman. Losing weight has always been something on my mind, but never the front of the mind. I do not want to be losing loads of weight, but a reasonable amount.
Nikita recently posted..Catholic Woman’s Almanac Vol. 1 Issue 25
Angela, I so needed this.
For the first 23 years of my life, I was scary thin, due to medical issues which generally made me malnourished. The mantra was eat eat eat eat eat eat! Anything you want! Higher the calories and fat the better!
Then I had my transplant and WHOA, everything changed.
I had to eat like the rest of y’all. I had to exercise. I had to do things I had never had to do before, and whoo boy, those things are hard to change. I’m almost eight years out, and only now is it hitting me that I need to do this for ME, not because my doctors and family want me to. I have to have my reasons, good reasons, for wanting to make this change in my life.
So for about a month I’ve been trying to do it, and essays like this go a long way in giving me the kick in the butt I Need So Badly.
Thank you Angela.
Emily recently posted..Seven Quick Takes Friday Vol. 7
Emily, you are so correct in saying the reasons for getting healthy need to be yours. Advice from others can be motivating and helpful, but ultimately, the you’re the only one who can move your body and put healthy food in your mouth!
Angela Pea recently posted..PSA #1 – Being a Good Steward of Ourselves
You’re right, Emily. However well-meaning our doctors are, ultimately, we have to do it for ourselves acting as stewards of our God-given bodies. Thanks so much for the reminder!
Marcia recently posted..Catholic Women’s Almanac, No. 7
I find before and after pictures encouraging, as well. Do you have any of those? Even maybe just a link? Thanks for sharing.
God bless,
Angela – not Pea:-)
Angela! You know, my best friend is also named Angela! It’s hysterical to hear us phoning each other, “Hey Angela! It’s Angela…”
Sadly, I don’t have many pictures of me at my highest weight, and no full body shots. I was so ashamed that I literally hid from the camera. I didn’t blog back then, so I didn’t see other’s efforts and there was nobody to remind me to take a picture!
I wish that I had taken a few, just for records.
There are a few pictures (seated! waist up!) at my blog: http://wp.me/P1CBKo-jA
Angela Pea recently posted..PSA #1 – Being a Good Steward of Ourselves
I always try to keep this in mind. I’ve always been an athletic person enjoying many sports. I’ve also always been thin, which is a lot easier at 5’11″ than it is when you’re shorter.
BUT…
As I’ve aged and had children, 3 by C-section, things have changed. I gain weight in places I wish I didn’t. The stomach. This area is also worse for your overall health. As the years pile into each other I’ve had to consider family history, heart disease, high blood pressure & diabetes. To look at me, you wouldn’t guess, but I’m on that path.
This is a good reminder to stay the course, eat right, exercise and keep track of what’s going on before it’s too late.
And just a funny my sister and I always joke about….not likely you’re going to gain the lb’s eating fruits and veggies.
And you look smokin’ hot!
Tina recently posted..I Asked & The Door Opened
LOL! I doubt anyone ever got overweight eating too many veggies! When I have the munchies, I ask myself are you hungry enough to eat broccoli? If the answer is yes, then I eat broccoli!
Angela Pea recently posted..PSA #1 – Being a Good Steward of Ourselves
This is just too good Angela. You made so many good points. And I appreciate Julianne’s comment as well.
This hits home for me with gastritis and having to eliminate some of my fave foods/drinks. It has been a battle and I am not always cheerful about it : )
I love the reference to our bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit…that has to be foremost in our minds before anything else.
Theresa recently posted..Epiphany…of every moment {revisited}
There are days when my inner brat pitches a fit. I have to remind Olivia (that’s the brat’s name) that I have willingly chosen this path. Most of the time I’m okay, but on days that I’m not, well, those are the days I really just have to envision water rolling off a duck’s back. And leave the kitchen. Or toss a lock on the fridge door!
Angela Pea recently posted..PSA #1 – Being a Good Steward of Ourselves
Recently I have written a course on body image for my daughter and some of her friends as this was becoming an issue. When we got to talking about ‘looking after ourselves’ I re-wrote St Ignatius of Loyola’s rules for eating. Here is what I wrote:
St Ignatius’ rules for eating:
“His rules revolve around these question: Which foods/ ways of eating are going to cause problems? Do less of these. Which foods/ways of eating are going to help you? Do more of this.
1. You don’t need to give up bread. Bread was a common and staple food in his time. Ordinary foods that are an important part of your diet must stay. E.g. in some places/ homes the rule would be don’t give up rice for that is their staple food.
2. If you are going to give up something for a fast is better to give up something that it is easy to over-indulge in. You have more chance to indulge yourself with drink than bread. What happens if you have too much bread? What happens if you have too much wine?
3. You can fast in two ways: If you eat rich food then eat smaller portions or get used to eating simple, very healthy food and have a normal size.
4. When you fast for spiritual reasons (e.g. Lent/ Advent/ Fridays) don’t make yourself ill but slowly reduce or give up until you find a healthy balance. This way we discover what is right for our particular body.
5. Sometimes when eating read a spiritual book. This will help you focus on God’s love for you rather than becoming obsessed with your food.
6. Don’t let food control you. Control your own food. Eat when you are hungry and choose carefully what you eat.
7. When you are not hungry, plan the food for the next day, setting what and how much you will eat.
The principle is always find what is right/good/healthy for your body and knowing that you can be in control.”
I realised that I left this one out: The fifth: While the person is eating, let him consider as if he saw Christ our Lord eating with His Apostles, and how He drinks and how He looks and how He speaks; and let him see to imitating Him. So that the principal part of the intellect shall occupy itself in the consideration of Christ our Lord, and the lesser part in the support of the body; because in this way he will get greater system and order as to how he ought to behave and manage himself.
With Lent coming up, and reading your post I realise I have got the balance wrong at the moment. I’m not looking after myself properly and I need to return to what works for my body and my soul.
I love this!
Angela Pea recently posted..PSA #1 – Being a Good Steward of Ourselves
Julianne, thank you so much for the suggestion to read a spiritual book during meals. It contextualizes our “eating function”. It’s such a precious lesson…
Marcia recently posted..Catholic Women’s Almanac, No. 7
Love this post. I forget to bring God into this process of self-stewardship all too often. So glad for the reminder!
LuAnne recently posted..remember this
I think we’re programmed that way, LuAnne. It instinctive, a means of survival, to be determined to do everything on our own. We can only appreciate God more when we turn to him and admit our need!
Angela Pea recently posted..PSA #1 – Being a Good Steward of Ourselves
Great post! Excited to read this series, what a wonderful reminder to take care of myself. I was recently diagnosed with hashimotos & mild insulin resistence (my dietician neighbor hates that term) & as weight has slowly crept on over the last 5years I have forgotten that I am also being ungrateful for the healthy body God gave me.
HA!! I agree with your dietician neighbor about the “mild insulin resistance”…it’s like saying “a little bit pregnant”!
Angela Pea recently posted..PSA #1 – Being a Good Steward of Ourselves
You are an inspiration Angela! You are on your way. I am so glad I read this today.
I’m glad you read it, too! I was afraid nobody would!
Angela Pea recently posted..PSA #1 – Being a Good Steward of Ourselves