Caroline | Bell of the Wanderer
What if God challenges us to jump out of the boat in this Year of Faith ?
What if He allows people to cross our path who are very different than our usual familiar acquaintances, who have questions we think we have rehearsed answers for, that pull us out of our comfort zone and make us look deeper into ourselves than we’ve looked in a long time. We study, we pray, we think about those who are without the Lord and assure ourselves that if only we get that chance to talk to them, we’ll reach into our pocket of prayer and memorized Scripture and tell them just what they need to know.
Saturday was just such a day for me. On my way home from running errands I decided to stop and see a family member who was visiting from out of town. I have been praying for him for over 30 years. We’ve had our ups and downs…Well, OK, we’ve had some knock down drag out’s in our younger years. At one point he thought I was a crazy Christian fanatic and wrote me off as a sad sap who can’t cope with reality but for clinging to my religion crutch.
I just kept loving him. Wasn’t easy. He has a lot of letters after his name…lots of education…lots of money….lots of questions.
It’s always been easier for me to see the face of Jesus in the sick and dying at the hospital. That’s humility on display; even the most hardened heart can’t miss that. But, to find the face of Jesus in one whose weighty argumentation’s have questioned the very existence of God and ‘dethroned man from his native excellence’—not so much.
So, while his children played ‘Life’ in the kitchen with my mom and aunt–an irony of sorts, I thought– we found ourselves sitting alone together in the living room, when suddenly like a cloudburst, the questions began pouring down. Oh, and the timing couldn’t have been worse. It was lunchtime, my blood sugar was crashing, I had a million things to do and I was afraid to go down the same road where I remembered all the times in the past I’d been run over by a Mack truck.
But, I sent up an arrow prayer reminding the Lord how much I love this one, but realizing how much more He loves him, asking Him to please give me the words, the wisdom and the patience to stand in the rain with someone who is on a deep search for faith in something/Someone more than this material world.
This love and good will to be sure, must in no way render us indifferent to truth and goodness. Indeed love itself impels the disciples of Christ to speak the saving truth to all men.
But it is necessary to distinguish between error, which always merits repudiation, and the person in error who never loses the dignity of being a person, even when he is flawed by false or inadequate religious notions.
God alone is the judge and searcher of hearts; for that reason He forbids us to make judgments about the internal guilt of anyone.
—Gaudium et Spes Chpt 11; 28
In that moment, I realized it wasn’t at all about having the right answers regarding the existence of God or the proper defense of the Catholic Church, nor pulling a memorized verse out of my pocket; it was about seeing the face of Jesus in him and uniting myself with the Lord’s will to ‘reign’ down His light and healing mercy upon a world view shattered by unbelief.
I waited on the Lord…and the words came. Nothing I ever would have thought or planned to say on my own.
There was no immediate miraculous change in him, no monastic bells pealing in the distance…but, while I saw the longing of an aching heart that I knew only God could fill, I jumped out of the boat and the Lord wound up changing…..me.
It always begins and ends with love, doesn’t it?
I think I understand what the Year of Faith is going to be about for me.
+PAX
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Oh My goodness.
Growing up in the Dynasty of Dysfunction that I did, that was the thing that was left out – LOVE.
I can not do anything about the past, but through God I am changing our future.
Thank you for your candid Truths. Thank God for leading me to your blog and others who help me see what He wants me to see.
Blessings,
Emily
Emily recently posted..Food, Money and Life…
Oh Emily…You are not alone in growing up in a ‘Dynasty of Dysfunction…’..nor in working to see that our families do not carry the chains of past failures into future generations. The present is what the Lord gives us..and what a gift it is.
I am blessed to know you and together with these faithful women be discovering His will for our lives.
Blessings to you and +
Thank you Caroline.
I do know I’m not the only one. I didn’t for a long time and hid in shame. Now – I hold my head high.
God has been so good to me.
You’re a dear to be so kind. I sure appreciate it.
Blessings,
Emily
Thank you for what you shared… SOOOO true. My husbands step-mom died this a.m. and we were not very close this last few years but out of God’s love I made her a quilt (w/green scapular sown into the corner =:) Our “job” is to LOVE, sometimes done better from a distance but whatever it takes…LOVE! In heaven, all will be made perfect so I try to remember to see each person through “heavens” eyes… and Love them there! God bless you!
Cindy, My sympathies for your husband’s step-mom…but what a beautiful example of stepping out in love by making her that quilt with the scapular. Sometimes love is better done at a distance.. Discernment is always the key, isn’t it? God knows best…because He knows the future. In Heaven all the walls will fall because we will, as you say, be made perfect in Him.
Blessings to you and +
It’s ok not to have all of the answers, but the humility to say, “But I do know someone who can answer that.” (wink..a trusty priest) Also, asking key questions was how Ben Franklin convinced people of his point of view.
Michele, Thanks for taking the time to stop by and share your thoughts!
Blessings and +
Thank you for this post. I need reminding that one day I may be able to help God change at least one person’s heart and soul. I converted after 4 years of marriage to my husband who continues to fight any belief in God. But he allows me to bring the children up as Catholic. Sometimes I find my faith being dismissed and undermined (in front of the children) which is so hard to bear. Please add your prayers to mine for my husband, Adam’s conversion. I do not speak openly to him about my faith as he never asks questions. One day I hope he finds he is ready to ask with an open mind. It probably won’t be me he asks though!
Becky, I would be privileged to pray for your situation. It brings to mind the story of Elisabeth Leseur who is known for her spiritual diary and the conversion of her husband-a medical doctor and well known leader of the French anti-clerical, atheistic movement.
I believe her current status is Servant of God.
In one of her quotes she says:
“I know by experience that in hours of trial certain graces are obtained for others that all our efforts had not previously obtained.”
This is what I pray for you..
Many blessings to you and your family +
Caroline recently posted..The Year of Faith: Jump Out of the Boat
“We’ll reach into our pocket of prayer and memorized Scripture and tell them just what they need to know.” I’ll bet many of us have found out how well that works (not). This struck a huge chord with me. I love the idea of stepping out of the boat – thank you.
Nancy recently posted..A Reader’s Prayer
Nancy…I have to find out again and again how dependent I am on the Lord….and how gracious He is to keep giving me another opportunity.
Blessings +
What a blessing for him to have even asked one question! All of your prayers are getting somewhere. It is scary, though, isn’t it? God bless you for even trying
Laura recently posted..I Saw "Les Miserables" and then…
Laura, There were years when the questions were just an invitation for a fight ..But this time there was a sincerity that broke my heart and made me forget about the Mack truck..sort of. LOL
You’re right– it is scary and that’s why it’s so important for us to encourage each other..
Thank you (and all the other ladies) for being my encouragers today and taking the time to share and comment..
Blessings +
I have a similar situation with a family member, We haven’t had a good relationship for years, because I am religious and he is not. It’s easier just avoiding him and praying from a distance. Seeing the face of Jesus in him… that’s something I never really thought of. Thanks!
Connie Rossini recently posted..Domestic monastery: living by the bell
Connie, We’ve spent a few years avoiding one another, too! I will pray that in His time the Lord open a door for you to renew a relationship..
Prayers for you and
Blessings+
Beautiful, heart-felt reflection Caroline. I pray that I may do the same this year. I have a family full of distance from God and their faith given to them at Baptism. It is hard to know what to say, but until I do, I keep on loving them…and praying.
Bless you!
Theresa recently posted..Return to the *Ordinary* {revisited}
Theresa, I feel for all our family members who are so far from God..especially as the world itself becomes more distant..What a blessing your family has you to be that patient watchman on the wall to keep on loving and praying for them.