I open my eyes after another sleepless night and my eyes come in contact with the Carmelite cross that hangs on my wall…the one with no corpus on it…the one that hangs in the cells of the Carmelite Sisters…the one they kneel before in the morning as they place themselves on the cross to be a offering…and offering of sacrifice and penance and prayer in union with the Beloved.
I quickly shut my eyes and struggle for another 10 minutes of sleep before the routine of my day begins…take dogs out, start coffee, breakfast for youngest, check email, Morning Prayer, shower, start wash, homeschool, walk dogs, some days Mass…sometimes errands after Mass: bank, post office, library, grocery shopping…back home to chores, Evening Prayer, dinner, then…many nights…on-call for work, bath, stories…
And how does a wife and mother wake up and not feel overwhelmed…wondering where the strength will come from and will I be open to grace today? Add to that the burden of depression and it’s not hard for despair to rear its ugly head with thoughts of “why get up…it’s just going to be the same old thing all over again…another day of sensing your failures and mistakes as wife and mother…another day of emptiness and exhaustion…”.
Before I fell asleep I read…
“Far from breaking out into complaints and grumbling against the harshness of God when His paternal hand strikes us, we shall bless Him at all times, gratefully receiving the afflictions of the body and the cruel sorrows of the mind as the surest sign of His preferences and tenderness.”
{End of the Present World and the Mysteries of the Future Life by Fr. Charles Arminjon}
I really want to believe it…that this is all blessing…
“For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison…”
†2 Corinthians 4:17
“Why attach any importance to afflictions? Temporal life is but a transition. A whole lifetime of pain in this world is of no more consequence than an uncomfortable night in a bad hostelry.” {from a saint}
It doesn’t *feel* like just one uncomfortable night…it *feels* like years and years…
The words I read the night before…the ones that inflamed my soul and gave me strength and encouraged me…they offer no consolation now when I struggle to get out of bed. I try to recall them and yet remain numb. I later find this in my inbox:
“Accept all things, whatever their cause,
silently and with a tranquil mind,
as coming to you from the fatherly hand
of divine providence.”
~St. Albert the Great
But how? In Called to Life, Jacques Phillipe states, “Sometimes one is called to take just a single little step–’nothing except for today,’ as St. Therese of Lisieux said.” So with each call from God…even in the littlest things…God supplies the grace needed for that call…that moment.
…yes…I can let me feet hit the floor and into my slippers…yes…I can take the dogs out and clean up after them…yes…I can make a pot of coffee and gather items for daughter’s breakfast…
“Every yes to God’s call, even in the least matter, brings an increase of life and strength and encouragement.” {Called to Life}
“…what prevents some people from welcoming the grace of God…is that they do not accept themselves as they are.” {Called to Life}
…and loved by God where we are right now…in this situation…in this weakness…in this moment.
“When life seems to hard to bear we must hold tight to this word…will to respond to the call…’LIVE…I WANT YOU TO LIVE!’” {Called to Life}
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I came across this site yesterday and I have been reading along. I am excited to join in a new book in June etc. I am a mother who has experienced these feelings and I appreciate such a beautiful post. The quotes stayed with me tonight! (I will have to read that book, Called to Life”.)
Mary your poem is so beautiful, I will be sure to share it with anyone struggling to take the next step and press on in Jesus’ love.
What a wonderful bunch of Catholic women here. I am just finding my way home again in the church as I have been away for a few years (not too long!) and I am finding renewal in God’s love.
Welcome Samantha! I am so glad you found us and hope you will stay : )
Jacques Philippe’s books are little hidden treasures. He has five and although they are not thick, they are simplistically profound (is that a description?). I have all five of his books and I return to them frequently. We did *Called to Life* for one of our previous book club discussions.
Bless you!
Oh Theresa, what a beautifully honest post! It is so hard sometimes, to just do the next thing. Trust, I think, is what we need to fall back on. Which just really may be faith? Faith that He is still God and He is still on the throne and He is good, even if we can’t quite understand? Because can we ever know His mind?
Your post has started me thinking, and really understanding in a new way I suppose, that when we are like children (trusting even when we don’t understand), He sees that trust as great faith.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts,
~Peace,
LuAnne
LuAnne~thank you for such beautiful words! I think grace is key here. It is always available to us at each moment for whatever lays before us. Everything our Father allows in our day is a call to accept grace from His hands. St. Therese says “Everything is a grace.” So I try to keep that foremost in my mind.
Thank you for this. I especially was touched by your explanation of the empty cross. I am an old Christian/new Catholic and would love to learn more about the Carmelites. Is there a website you could recommend for the total newbie?
Oooh…that’s a loaded question LOL! I wouldn’t know where to start. Honestly, the simplest way is to visit my OCDS page on my blog…just click on my name. There is a link to our community’s OCDS page as well and there is basic info on the Carmelites there. You may want to check the beautiful pics and quotes I have been *pinning* on Pinterest under Theresa, Ocds.
The other option is to Google Discalced Carmelites and you will get some good links that way too. My info is more geared towards the Secular Carmelite.
I love the image of the empty cross. I forget where I read that or who told me, but all the cells I have seen have a plain cross in them.
Feel free to contact me with any questions.
Thanks so much. That’s enough to keep me busy for a while!
I know I’ve said this to you before, Theresa, but once again – I can relate. On days like this (I have trouble with insomnia too) I only think of the one task right in front of me and put one foot in front of the other. Because, if I thought about the entire day’s work ahead of me I would feel overwhelmed. I even wrote a poem about it called A Foot for Sorrow:
On the endless road – Redemption way
I thought I heard my Savior say
“For love alone, one step more.
You can do it, I love you. One step more.”
A foot for sorrow, a measure of pain
I lifted my feet, again and again
And the Lamb’s voice echoed as before:
“You can do it. I love you. One step more.
Though you may stumble, when you fall down,
I’ll lift you up; my graces abound.”
In my heart arose a love so sweet
Grace set me once more upon my feet
His beloved voice shook me right to the core:
“You can do it . I love you. One step more!”
When things are really bad I hear Jesus say, “You can do it. I love you. One step more.” And as long as I take that step I know everything will be okay.
This was an excellent post. Thank you, Theresa. I love the quotes and I’m thankful that you recommended him to me. God bless.
Mary…so wonderful to see your words here! I didn’t know you deal with insomnia too. Mine is all related with depression…one of those things *which came first…the chicken or the egg?*. I have been dealing with it for almost 12 years. Even though it doesn’t *feel* like a grace, in retrospect I see how much I need to rely on the strength of God to take *the next step* and how weak I really am. Keeps me very humble.
Your poem is perfect…brought tears to my eyes…thanks for sharing. I will remember it.
Thank you for this spiritual nourishment, Theresa. The quote that struck me hardest is “what prevents some people from welcoming the grace of God…is that they do not accept themselves as they are.” Always climbing this mountain.
Thank you Jeannine for such kind words. I loved your post yesterday but I am a bit groggy and behind on things.
Even though I wrote this post some time ago, it is exactly how I feel today. Thank God for the grace of each moment!