They’re the gray that turns suddenly black, the final straw when the burden’s heavy, the storm cloud that’s been hovering and finally lets loose. They’re the feeling that nothing can turn out right if we’re doing it, the sinking feeling that everyone’s faith in us is misplaced, the certainty that we are on a path to crashing and burning.
We all get them, but that doesn’t make me feel any better when I’m in the midst of a Low Self-Esteem Day (or, as the case may be, a week of them). Maybe it’s this dreary winter cold (wind chill of 20 below today!), or maybe it’s a signal that I need to delegate and share responsibilities more. The only salve I found last week, when I was muddling along, was an hour of Adoration. Sitting there, in the company of the Divine Lover, I felt calmed. It didn’t matter what I could or couldn’t do.
The Low Self-Esteem Days remind me that God qualifies the called. I may not be the best person I know for some of the jobs I do (including that all-important maternal role I hold), but I don’t have to be. I have to trust in God and let go so he can lead me where I need to be.
{Just a reminder, this Wednesday we will be discussing chapters 1 & 2 from Called to Life
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I just love that God led me here today! This is just what I needed it and when I needed it most. Today has been one of those days for me too. I am feeling down and having a hard time getting back up. I love the idea of adoration too. This brought a smile to my face and I wanted to thank you for inspiring me and lifting me up
So funny…I am in the midst of a post on the very same *feeling*. I was glad to read this and feel not so alone. Thanks for the reminder of the Eucharistic Presence…so often forgotten and taken for granted! I have two chapels within 10 mins. of my house and still forget or don’t make the effort. Enough said! I know what I need to do this week.
I loved your thoughts on the “only salve” – that hour at Adoration. What surrender! Sitting in His Presence is always calming. It is at this hour that nothing else really matters, especially as you wrote: “It didn’t matter what I could or couldn’t do.” He is doing a great deal with me at that time!
This post inspired me to spend more time in Adoration. My typical go to on days like this is a Sonic cherry limeade. But that only satisfies for the moment and never quenches the eternal thirst for God.
Thank you Sarah for such an eye opening post.
This was helpful today. I’m 18 days to a c-section and it has been a long exhausting pregnancy and I feel quite down. The worst is the feelings of tiredness combined with feeling that I have no control or say in any of what is happening. I dread the c-section mostly due to the lack of respect for the bonding time I want with my child and the hospital’s policies that tend to violate that bonding time. I dread having to insist against nurses who don’t care about the birthing plan.
I know when I am tired and living in dread/fear, I can very easily become Satan’s punching bag. Prayers for you Ann, to the good and holy St Gerard as your delivery date approaches.
how true!
I tend toward these type of days. But at Adoration last week, I was gently reminded that I am focusing on what I am not getting done, rather than what I accomplished – even if it is just getting out of bed amd getting dressed that day!
I do not know how I would get by without that weekly hour at Adoration!
Thank you for sharing
Blessings
Karen
Isn’t it so true that the days we may feel our worst are the days spent looking too much at ourselves?
I tend to have a lot of these type of days. That last paragraph really got me today. Probably going to have to post it on my bathroom mirror or something.
It makes all the difference in the day when I trust Him and His plans instead of trying to take control…a control I can never take anyway. Sometimes I laugh and think “Why am I trying so hard to do the impossible?” I can never be in control so why, why do I keep trying?